I'm running aways but getting nowhere. Will the haunting nightmares ever stop? No matter how much i try to forgive and forget and move past that part of my past, i find myself being held back from my future. Sometimes like last night when the torturing of thoughts and ideas creep into my dreams I feel like this is something that there is no escaping from. Is he affected my this as much as I am? Or has he been able to get past it seeing as it's his fault I'm now confronted with the thought of "never being happy". I know it wont be easy but I know there has to be a way of erasing the pain. It the First of OCTOBER!!! and i know that something good is going to happen this month. I JUST KNOW IT! I met someone the other night. Well... i knew him from before but I'd never seen him the way i saw him Thursday night. He was different and funny and kind. I get excited and sacred all at the same time. Putting up walls around me is like a natural reflex now that i can't help but attend to . I just dont want to get hurt again. Putting yourself out there is never easy and i dont think one will ever get the "hang of it." I know I cant see the meaning and purpose of everything but it's alwasy to bad when one's plans dont going accroding to our desires. I know things happen for a reason because i have been able to testify to that again and again, it's just hard when you have a good thing in your life slip through the cracks of life. What will come of "Cape Cod" only time will tell but for now lets just say we are having dinner next Saturday and I will enjoy every minute of it.