tender mercies

And life keeps surprising me. Sometimes life insists on taking me down memory lane and I find that I am feeling sorry for myself because according to my own selfish plan of where I should be and what I should have in life is not in accordance with my Heavenly Father's plan for me. Today I was able to feel the love God has for me as I humbly prayed for the strength to forgive someone who was really close to me. I was determined to cling to the enabling power of the atonement as I was ready and willing to forgive and move one and feel happiness for her and her new life. I walked outside of my apartment to go talk to our manager and on my way back I ran into a girl who is in my Relief Society and she in her simple and most likely unaware of the powerful words that were about to come out of her mouth and remind me once again that I was not forgotten and that The Lord knew and heard my prayer as she said to me, "Hi Diana, how are you? you always look so beautiful" that simple phrase assured me that I was were I needed to be and that my calling as a Relief Society president was something that was given to me not because I deserved it or because I would be good at it but because it would change me and it would remind me of the beauty in life and in every stage of my life. I love this gospel and I will forever be grateful for this tender mercy my heavenly father knew would help me find the strength to continue in what I was doing.

Someone Like You

The more I find out about him, the more i am eager to find out about him. He sits across from me in sacrament meeting and as i watch him sitting there reviewing his Sunday school lesson I cant help but wonder about his childhood, the trails that have made his relationship with God strengthen, his sacred missionary experiences, the peace he must feel when he enters the Lords sacred temple. He sings along to every word in the hymn not caring about whether or not he is the next Josh Groban, he sings because that's what he has been taught. Listening to the talks is he feeling the spirit as much as I am? He must as he pulls his journal out and writes something down. Yep that's right I think... he keeps a journal... not only does that tell me that he is worthy of having the spirit prompt him but that he listens to the council of the church leaders in regards to keeping a journal... He calls her beautiful not "hot or sexy" but beautiful. That is such a strong respectful word. He spends his hours in the library not to pick up girls but because he understand and appreciates the value of an education. To him I'll say.. I've been looking for someone like you for a really long time. So for now I'll patiently wait till we meet again.

I'm running aways but getting nowhere. Will the haunting nightmares ever stop? No matter how much i try to forgive and forget and move past that part of my past, i find myself being held back from my future. Sometimes like last night when the torturing of thoughts and ideas creep into my dreams I feel like this is something that there is no escaping from. Is he affected my this as much as I am? Or has he been able to get past it seeing as it's his fault I'm now confronted with the thought of "never being happy". I know it wont be easy but I know there has to be a way of erasing the pain. It the First of OCTOBER!!! and i know that something good is going to happen this month. I JUST KNOW IT! I met someone the other night. Well... i knew him from before but I'd never seen him the way i saw him Thursday night. He was different and funny and kind. I get excited and sacred all at the same time. Putting up walls around me is like a natural reflex now that i can't help but attend to . I just dont want to get hurt again. Putting yourself out there is never easy and i dont think one will ever get the "hang of it." I know I cant see the meaning and purpose of everything but it's alwasy to bad when one's plans dont going accroding to our desires. I know things happen for a reason because i have been able to testify to that again and again, it's just hard when you have a good thing in your life slip through the cracks of life. What will come of "Cape Cod" only time will tell but for now lets just say we are having dinner next Saturday and I will enjoy every minute of it.

Your worst Nightmare.

Tonight was a typical Friday night in Rexburg Idaho. The restaurants were crowded. The movies were sold out and everyone was having a wonderful time. So why was I not? Well driving through Rexburg brings nothing but what are now sweet memories of the previous Fall of '10. Walking through the isle in Walmart rushed all those tender feelings and over all memories of his sweet aroma through my body. I remember the way he would look at me as I would come around the corner into our kitchen. The way he held me that night under the stars. The tickling of his nose as he pressed it against by hair. I don't think I have ever been so happy in a relationship the way I was last October. I remember well how Excited he got when we watched my first pro football game together. I would give anything to go back to the way things should have been. Driving into Idaho Falls my mind echoed with his laughter, as we sung our favorite Christmas songs. Driving through the red colored trees as we entered the little town that will forever remember our first date. I can still recall the look on his blue eyes when I told him I would love to go to the haunted house. The way our eyes met as we carved pumpkins together that Sunday afternoon. What happened? Where did those feelings go? I'ts not the same, being here "without him." All I have left of him are those haunting memories of the most wonderful time of my life that replay in my mind over and over and over. But I must say this. I am where I am because of him. He showed me that I was worth more than I ever thought I could be. He proved to me that there are Prince charming out there and that I can have my "fairy tale" romance so thank you. FOR EVERYHTING YOU GAVE ME.

New Beginnings

Do you remember the day you realized you were changing in a good way? Maturing? Well last night I was laying in bed and it hit me that the diana that was here last fall is no longer. I realized that there is more to life than just being silly and saying silly things all the time. I'm tired of living the same life. I feel like I'm being held back and I'm ready to break from my shell. I'm like the butterfly ready to come out of the cocoon. I went to church today and this cute guy sat next to me and we got to talking and he was nice and everything... after the meetings we stuck around and mingled and all the boys were coming in and they were good looking but I realized that I just didn't care anymore about wainting to put myself out there. In the last year I've gotten hurt on a few occassions and I know thats part of learning and why we are here but it's no longer up to me. I will now leave it in the hands of my Heavenly Father and when the time is right then its right. In the mean time I've got BIG goals for myself and I'm really excited because this will me a wonderful semester for me. With someone or by myself I will come out of it a better person.

surviving in a rapidly changing world.

And this world just keeps "getting better." So let me tell you about Midland Texas. # of malls-1, # of movie theaters- 1, # of awesome stores- 3 if you want to include target. Yeah i know and it gets better number of cute well presented males available 0. This is where my story begins. Here are your options: drug addicts, alcohol drinkers, cigarette smokers, hicks, alligator boot wearers and of course the every once in a blue moon attractive nonmembers. I'm at the grocery store with with my mom and I'm totally not caring what I look like. After what I told you do you think I have someone to impress?? Well I'm walking down the cheese aisle and out of nowhere there he is... like walking into the candy store for the first time... he was wearing a white polo with khaki shorts, flip flops and a very beautiful white smile. Mmmm good teeth too. Everything you need tall, dark and handsome. He had dark longish hair. With a little bit of gel. Just enough to know he does his hair. I cant help but stare... looking around to see who was lucky enough to claim this prize. But to my shocking frown making sure my eyes weren't deceiving me it was a male, man, guy, hombre, dude. You get the point! this attractive guy came to the grocery store with another male and "the other man" was holding a little boy probably like 3. I'm not going to lie it was a little strange... Could this mean he was gay and it was his partner????? What a waist if this was the case. But to make myself feel less disturbed I will just pretend that they were brothers and the kid was his nephew. So in conclusion not only do we single gals have to look for a ring on his hand but we must watch out for the "partner" Reporting to you from Midland TX.

Take 3

Well here we go again!!!! So I haven't been to good with this whole blog thing and keeping up with it, but seeing as life has thrown soo many surprises at me this past year I thought, what the heck why not write about them seeing as I constantly find myself repeating the same old story. from now on I will just refer everyone interested in a 19 yrs life well here it is. So College is nothing but another path in finding out who you are and how wise you are in handling situations that come with roommates, teachers, cooking, friends and oh yes lets not forget what grown-ups like to call it as "LOVE" or what I like to refer to as "heartbreaks, chick-flicks, another box of tissues and lets not forget 15 extra minutes ill need at the gym after having " a few" spoons of cookie dough" yep that just about covers it. It all started out when I walked unto campus and saw a lake of good looking men, I knew that I was in for a ride of emotions and "what did I see in him" so lets begin with Jason, I can't believe I'm saying this but he was a ginger. yep me and a ginger, I know I know.... Ginger and I never belonged in the same sentence but I don't know it must have been the combination of too much snow and potatoes that made me attracted to him. Don't get me wrong he was a very sweet guy well lets just say that ended quiet fast, red heads and merengue didn't mix very well. At least I can cross that experiment off my to do list.